Biker joke - The crusty old biker

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere,
parks his bike and walks inside.



As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:



COLD BEER: $2.00



HAMBURGER: $2.25



CHEESEBURGER: $2.50



CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50



HAND JOB: $50.00



Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of
sun-wrinkled farmers.



She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.



"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"



The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"



She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".



The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good,

‘cause I want a cheeseburger".

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

Sorry this one is so late on St. Patty's day, but just had my first chance to sit at the computer today at 8:30 P.M. Central.

Anyway, I just got this emailed joke, and thought I would share.

Enjoy!


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino.. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...YES! YES! I WON, I WON!

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?
The other answered,
'I don't know - I thought you were watching.

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men...are men.

Biker joke

The Sensitive Biker

Tara and a few of her friends decide to step out of the box. Instead of their usual meeting place, they decide to spice up the night and try going somewhere different. They choose a local biker bar in Charming, named Road Grits. They are all fairly prim and proper and completely out of their comfort zones. Most certainly not the biker type of gals.

Tara ends up sitting next to Jax, one of the bar's locals. They talk...they connect....they end up leaving together.

They get back to Jax's place, and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for a biker to have such a large collection of teddy bears.Although, completely drawn to his rebel side, she is quite impressed by his sensitive side as well.

They have a few drinks and continue talking. After awhile, She finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each others clothes and have hot, steamy sex.

She's more overwhelmed with passion than she has ever known before.

After an intense, explosive night together with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. Tara rolls over, gently strokes Jax's chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'

He gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:


'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf before you let your self out'

Biker riddle.

What do you call a brand new motorcycle?


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A starter kit!

Sven & Olie

Since my last post was about the change of seasons, hot and cold, and since Joker made the comment that we all talk funny here in the Midwest, this joke could not be more fitting.

Sven and Ole join an outlaw motorcycle club, and get drunker than skunks. They die in a motorcycle accident and go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?'

Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of

snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya

know.'

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the

heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota ,

the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and

drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is

in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?'

Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere

at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis

nice.'

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he

comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been

cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell.

The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging

everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,

moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole

and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats,

and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming

like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat

you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong

with you two?'

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if

hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl!

One Liner Biker Wit

Rule of thumb........ When you are working on your motorcycle, and your hands are all full of grease, it is then that your nose will itch, and you'll have to pee.

biker joke

God and the Biker

.
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

.

'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

.

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. I want you to take a little more time and see if you can think of something that could possibly help all mankind instead.'

.

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know what she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

.

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

.

Biker joke.........Too Little, Too Late

Doug Klassen from Fourty Years on Two Wheels had recently posted his rendition of what a biker means in What's in a name. http://40on2.blogspot.com/2008/08/whats-in-name.html

According to his image of a Biker, the 60's version of a ruffian hoodlum on two wheels, here is a very fitting joke.

A regular Joe is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted.

St. Peter says to the guy,

"I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I tell you what, if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, I'll open Heaven's Gates to you."

So the guy says,

"I was driving down the road and saw a gang of bikers assaulting this poor girl. So I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron and walked straight up to the gang's leader--a huge ugly guy with a studded leather jacket, bald head but with hair all over his body, and a chain running from his nose to his ear.
Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, "You leave this poor, innocent lady alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!"

Impressed, St. Peter says,

"Really? I can't seem to find this in your file. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

Biker joke

Friendship among regular folks:

.

A man didn't come home one night.

The next morning he told his significant other that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The woman called his 10 best friends.

None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Bikers:

.

A biker didn't come home one night.

The next morning he told his significant other that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The woman called The biker's 10 best friends.

Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

.

Biker Joke ....... What's in a name?

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him and introduced herself as Carmen.

“That's a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?”

“No,” she replied. “I gave it to myself. It reflects the things in life I like most - cars and men.”

“What's your name?” she asked.

He said, “Harley Titsenbeer”. “Nice to meet you”.

One liner biker wit.

Bikers have more fun than people do!

Three things I know about women.

Joker recently posted http://harley-davidson-mystique.blogspot.com/2008/06/say-hi-to-keeley.html Quote" I'd be home bonding with my two boys. I also missed a ride up to Bub's Barbecue this morning. Some times you just have to take one for the team - if you don't want to find all your stuff scattered all over your front lawn and driveway anyway."End quote.

I comment Joker for this, but it reminds me of the three things I know about women.

1) If she is happy, I am happy.

2) If she aint happy, aint no one happy.

and.....

3) If she aint happy for a really long time, I aint happy with half my sh*t!

But seriously, I make time for my family and give up riding time quite oftern because as much as I love motorcycles, riding and the biker brotherhood, I love my wife, kids, and family more than anything in the world.

O.K., I'm done being mushy now.

Biker joke (Warning) "mildly explicit"

Three men, a Doctor, and Lawyer, and Biker were sitting at a bar drinking, and shoting the sh*t.
They got to talking about what they got their wives for their last anniversaries.

The doctor took sip of his martini and said I got my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. That way if she didn't like the diamond ring, she would know how much I love her because of the very expensive car I bought her.

The lawyer took a sip of his scotch and said I got my wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas. That way she would know how much I love her, even if she didn't like the necklace.

The biker took a big swig of his beer, farted, and burped, and said I got my wife a Harley t-shirt, and a vibrator. That whay if she didn't like the shirt she could go "F" herself.

Ba-Dum-Bum

one liner biker wit

I’d rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God,



than sitting in church, thinking about riding my motorcycle.